I had my daughter, Gracie, (who is generally known on socials as LO) when I was twenty years old. Which meant that I was pregnant at nineteen. Nothing unusual there, I hear you say. Well, funnily enough, I was classed as a ‘teenage parent’. This post links in a little with stereotyping because that’s what happened when I fell pregnant – I was put into the box of ‘teenage parents’ because I was nineTEEN. 

I remember getting leaflets from the healthcare professionals in my parenting packs which had headings such as ‘how to tell your parents you are pregnant’ ‘Coping with being a teenage parent’ and ‘living with your parents and having a baby.’ Whilst these leaflets are undoubtedly incredibly helpful and necessary with some teenage parents – I was not one of them. I was living with my boyfriend (now my husband) and working full -time. We had planned our pregnancy and were over the moon at taking this next step in our relationship. Yet to those who didn’t know me, I was a statistic on a piece of paper and was boxed into the category of ‘teenage parent.’

This aside, my experience of being a first time mum was, as I imagine most people, a rollercoaster of emotions. We were ecstatic about being pregnant but I do remember one evening, just weeks before LO was born, sitting on my husband’s lap (whilst 9 months pregnant – poor hubby!) and sobbing. When he asked why, I replied, “I actually have to give birth to this baby – there’s no other way it’s coming out of me! I can’t do it!” Needless to say, I did. 

When LO was born and we took her home, we spend the whole of the first night dealing with a screaming baby. I couldn’t settle her – I must be a rubbish mum. These were the thoughts going round in my mind. I couldn’t breastfeed her, she wasn’t taking the milk and she just screamed and screamed and screamed… at one point, she was crying, I was crying and my husband was sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands and we were thinking, what have we done? As hard as it is to admit that, I now realise that this is totally normal. Parenthood is hard and nothing can prepare you for that first night when you are left to look after the baby with no healthcare professionals around you and you feel like you have NO clue what you’re doing. In all honestly, sometimes I still feel like that now. But things did get better. My husband drove to the hospital at 2am that night to pick up formula and Gracie was fed. Ultimately, she couldn’t latch on so was crying because she was hungry and I couldn’t breast feed her. I didn’t get much support from the hospital so we went onto formula. I don’t want to start a debate on breast and formula feeding because, quite honestly, my child was being fed and that is the main thing. I’m not pro-bottle or pro-breast – I am pro-feed. Babies need to be fed, regardless of where it comes from.

Those first two weeks after having her I cried a lot. My hormones were all over the place and I felt sad and elated at the same time. I was so proud that I had this little baby but equally, what the hell was I doing? I couldn’t look after a little person – this changed everything. 

But after the first two weeks, something clicked. I couldn’t tell you what that was or why, but the crying stopped, the impending sense of fear stopped and I felt great. I looked at this little bundle of joy in my arms and knew that I loved her with all my heart and that she was the most incredible and important thing in my life.

And now, 10 years later, I look at her and think… wow, we made you. 

Blurb: Meet Pippa…

After years of trying and a failed IVF attempt, Pippa is thrilled to see two little lines appear on a pregnancy test. Finally a precious baby to call her own. This is all Pippa has ever wanted…if only husband Jason could show just a little excitement.

Imogen…

A baby is the icing on the cake for Imogen and Alice – proof that their love for each other can overcome any obstacle. But when Imogen starts receiving malicious texts, it's clear that not everyone is thrilled about the girls' good news.

And Ellie…

A drunken one-night stand and Ellie's life is ruined! Pregnant, jobless and the relationship with her best friend, Chris, over- forever. Because Chris just happens to be the father of Ellie's baby…and potentially the love of her life!

For these first time mums the road to motherhood is bumpier than most!