Today I am taking part on the Blog Tour of Coco Pinchard, the Consequences of Love and Sex by Robert Bryndza. I am very pleased to welcome him on my blog. Also, don't miss the giveaway of 3 x signed copies of Coco Pinchard, The Consequences of Love and Sex plus Coco Pinchard bookmarks. Robert your turn:
Hi and thanks for welcoming me to your blog as part of the Coco Pinchard, The Consequences of Love and Sex blog tour!
For today’s stop I’d like to share with you an extract from the book, where Coco Pinchard is overcome with lust for her husband Adam, the only problem being is that she is in her 31st week of the pregnancy, and huge…
Monday 4th June
Adam bought me a long curved pregnancy pillow, and regained custody of his own pillows.
We’ve been sleeping beautifully the past few nights. For the first time in ages I feel really great. Pregnant and big, but great. I was having a shower this morning, and watching Adam through the glass cubicle when I suddenly felt incredibly, horny.
He had a towel round his waist and had just finished shaving. I watched his biceps shift and flex as he reached into the sink to scoop up water, my eyes travelled along his muscular back, his broad shoulders tapering down to a thin waist, and the curve of his rump under the taut material of his white towel. He dried his face, and turned round. A little water ran down his neck and over his pecs. He walked out of the bathroom giving me a wink on the way.
I realised I felt more horny than I ever have before. I rinsed off the last of the soap, stepped out of the shower and wrapped myself in a big towel.
Adam was in the bedroom, already dressed in tight black jeans and doing up the last buttons on his work shirt, when I launched myself on him. I kissed him furiously. He responded, surprised.
‘Make love to me, now,’ I said and started to undo his belt buckle. He pulled away.
‘Hey, what about the baby?’
‘What about the baby?’
‘Should we be doing it?’ he ran his hand softly over my huge bump. I carried on unbuckling his trousers.
‘Whoa whoa whoa, Coco, I’m serious. You’re in week thirty-one.’
‘It’s fine,’ I said finally getting his belt undone and yanking his jeans down exposing his hairy footballers legs.
‘How do you know it’s fine?’
‘It says so in all the books.’
‘You haven’t read any of the books, you lobbed one at a pot plant.’
I started to unbutton his shirt, got fed up and ripped it open. Buttons flew off, a couple pinging against the bedside lamp.
‘I want you,’ I growled.
‘Coco, I don’t think we should.’
‘Well your head might say one thing, but below the belt you seem much more keen.’ I hooked my hand under the waistband of his briefs and went to slide them down.
‘No! I’m serious, what if there is a reason that you shouldn’t have sex? Didn’t they say you shouldn’t do anything strenuous?’
‘Oh my God say that word again!’
‘Strenuous.’
‘Oh! I’ll go on all fours, and you can give it to me strenuously.’ I pulled his briefs down. His penis was really hard and it sprang up and slapped against his belly button.
‘Ow!’
‘Don’t be a baby!’ I said. I kneeled on the bed and tried to arrange myself. He started to soften.
‘No no no no no!’ I said, pulling at it as if it were a bicycle pump and I’d had to stop with a flat tyre during the Tour de France.’
‘Adam, I could hump a tree right now. I can’t drink, or smoke, or eat any of the things I love. I can’t dye my hair. You are having sex with me whether you like it or not.’
‘But that’s…’
‘That’s called being a supportive husband. Other women ask their husbands to put up shelves or mow the lawn. All I want is a damn good seeing too! I think you’ve got it very easy.’
‘Ouch Ow! Stop Coco,’ he said jumping back. I took my hand away.
‘Adam, please. I want you so badly… I’ve heard it’s a legitimate pregnancy symptom. Clinical horniness. What if I spoke to midwife Justine? Would you be happier?’
‘Yes,’ he said relieved and went to pick up his jeans.
I grabbed my phone off the bedside table and began scrolling through.
‘What? Now? You’re going to ask her now?’
‘She said to phone if I had any questions.’ I found her number. Midwife Justine answered after two rings. I put her on speakerphone. We could hear traffic in the background.
‘Hello. It’s Coco Pinchard,’ I said. ‘I want to know if we can have sex?’
‘Hello, Mrs Pinchard?’
‘Not you and me, obviously…’ I added.
‘No, no I didn’t think that,’ she said. ‘It’s just that this is my emergency line. Is this an emergency?’
Adam looked at me and shook his head.
‘I’m experiencing clinical horniness…’ I said.
‘I’m not sure that’s an emergency though, Mrs Pinchard, I must impress on you that the NHS is a free resource but it shouldn’t be abused.’
‘I just want to know if I can safely have sex in my thirty first week. Adam is worried he might poke the baby… I mean he’s not that long… well he is long, no complaints there.’
I looked at Adam who had his head in his hands.
‘Mrs Pinchard. It’s perfectly fine for you both to engage in sexual intercourse. Just make sure you are well supported, and take it slow. You can even do your pelvic floor exercises when Adam is inside you.’
‘Adam is here,’ I said. ‘I’ve got you on speakerphone.’
I mouthed say hello to Adam.
‘Hello,’ said Adam awkwardly.
‘Morning, Adam. Think of your penis like a divining rod. When you penetrate Coco, you’ll feel her doing her pelvic floor exercises, it will be like a squeezing sensation… This will help her enormously with any incontinence issues. Did she tell you she did a little wee-wee in my office?’
‘Yes,’ cringed Adam.
‘Both of you must tell me how it goes, as I said I’m still rather new to all this. In fact I sometimes forget I’m a midwife! I made a curry last night and sliced a pile of chillies, forgetting that I have to do a membrane sweep this morning…’
‘I’m sure it’ll be fine, and thanks,’ I said. I pressed end call and climbed on the bed.
‘That was the most unsexy conversation, ever,’ said Adam. ‘Coco, I love you but I don’t know if I can…’
‘Adam. Do me from behind. Now!’ I ordered.
Men are simple creatures, and these words seemed to do the trick. He managed it twice and was rather late for work.
You can read more about Coco Pinchard’s adventures in pregnancy in Robert’s book Coco Pinchard, The Consequences Of Love and Sex which is available now:
Blurb: Since Coco Pinchard found first husband Daniel in bed with another woman, she hasn’t just picked up the pieces: she’s now a best-selling author married to her hunky soul-mate Adam. She feels stronger and wiser and surely the second time round she’ll have learnt from her mistakes?
But things aren’t going quite according to plan... Adam has lost his job, Coco’s grown-up son Rosencrantz seems to have derailed his life in spectacular fashion, and ex-mother-in-law Ethel keeps letting herself into the house thanks to an endless supply of spare keys. When literary agent Angie takes on Coco’s arch rival, the indomitable Regina Battenberg, it looks as though things can’t get any worse. And then Coco discovers she’s pregnant; at 44.
Can she really go through it all again? Sleepless nights, stretch marks on top of stretch marks, and poo as a normal topic of conversation?
The third and final book in Robert Bryndza’s bestselling series is a hilarious diary with Coco’s trademark wit and honesty, tracing the raging hormones and extraordinary twists that take her to motherhood for the second time.
*Coco Pinchard, The Consequences of Love and Sex can be read as a stand-alone*
You can find out more about Robert at www.robertbryndza.com on Twitter at @RobertBryndza or Facebook facebook.com/bryndzarobert
Or, for a far more interesting option, you can now follow Coco Pinchard on Twitter at @CocoPinchard
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